Why I’m so glad I’ve ditched Peace Keeper

Hi guys! I've mained Peacekeeper since the game came out but the other day something happened. After a frustrating duel with a fellow PK, something felt wrong. We light spammed, we guard broke, we relentlessly simultaneously side dodged heavied and relied on pure luck to determine which of our side dodge heavies connected first, you know, the usual stuff. But something was different, something felt off. I turned off my console, put down the controller (my third controller this month, for some reason the R1 buttons on them keep breaking and I've no idea why), and I walked over to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my weary face. Well, I had an awakening, in the harsh light of day I saw the monster I had become and I knew I had to leave PK behind.

Well, what a difference it's made; where to even begin? My girlfriend and I have been growing distant ever since the game came out, but ever since I quit PK things have been great between us. We went out for dinner the other night and the excitement was back, it was just like when we started dating. We had a great time and afterwards she even said she wanted to try butt stuff!

Now, when I'm not taking back Jerusalem I pay the bills by driving a bus. Normally, everyone used to spit at me when they got on and told me I'm a scrub that only knows how to light attack, but now everyone smiles, and one person even paid extra and told me to keep the change!

At the end of my shift my boss called me and told me we needed to have a talk in his office. I thought oh great, he's gonna shout at me for ten minutes about how the guard break triple stab is such a cheap, low-risk-high-reward move, just like our last meeting. But it wasn't that at all. I walked into the office and, holy shit, it was NASA. They told me that they'd been really impressed by my bus driving, and they wanted me to come work for them as a spaceship driver!

I couldn't believe how much my life had turned around in just a few short days of not being a PK main! The icing on the cake happened when i got home, saw my answering machine flashing and checked the message. It was from my 3 favourite athletes (Conor McGregor, D-Lo Brown and Vera Bitanji – the Albanian Triple Jumper at the 1996 Summer Olympics), and they all congratulated me on giving up PK, and told me what an inspiration I was to all of them!

Guys, it feels so great to finally get all this off my chest! If anyone who reads this is still maining PK, I urge you to see the light and give it up – it really can turn your life around in ways you can't even imagine!

tldr; Life is fucking great now that I main Warlord!

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