For some background on this situation, I suffer from BPD and PTSD, and a certain situation with an ex-friend has left me feeling irrational, angry, and yet also so much more numb and void of emotion than usual.
I'm not entirely sure what his reasons were considering a few days prior I let my rage take a hold of me and smashed my phone, but my dad got me Breath of the Wild. I didn't really bother to ask why, maybe it was an attempt to make me feel better (he has this thing where he isn't upfront with his reasons behind doing this kind of stuff, so it can be really confusing at times), or maybe just you know, why not? So I got the game and started playing it, and….I'll just say it, I was so emotionally stunted and just overwhelmingly apathetic that I didn't at first have an opinion on it, however I managed to cram over twelve hours of gameplay just on day one alone, so I guess I was enjoying it.
So fast forward to after defeating my first Divine Beast. I was informed by a close friend that if you go to Rito village you'll get a bow that shoots much farther than a good majority of the bows in the game, and since I really enjoyed hunting I thought I'd go after that Divine Beast next. So on my way there, I reached a stable near an old rickety bridge. Next to that bridge was a man scanning the mountainsides and saying something about how the cliffs look man made. I couldn't really figure out where exactly he meant, as the camera panned over to a large portion of the cliff side, so I gave up and decided to collect some wood from the trees on the plateau below. You know, because immersion.
So I was hacking away at the trees and the occasional enemy that rode by on wild horses, collecting whatever materials they dropped. It was getting dark so I decided I should go chill at the stable for a while. Right as I decided this, I noticed that the music that usually plays had faded out, and a sudden gust of wind going upwards rolled over the grass. I didn't think much of it, so I turned around and started to head in the direction of the stable.
Then the music changed, and I saw her.
Drifting slowly through the canyon was an enormous dragon, glowing softly and bobbing up and down, in and out of view. I ran to the cliffs edge to bear full witness to this marvel. I was stunned, speechless even. Her sheer size, the way she gracefully drifted between the cliff sides with ease nor regard for my presence, the overall atmosphere paired with that music left me in awe.
I'm…kind of ashamed to admit that I've never felt that way for as long as I've been conscious. I've never felt a sense of accomplishment, I've never been rendered speechless, I've never been really amazed by something to the point that I've been left in awe….basically, in the 23 years I've been living I've never felt any of these things the way that the sight before me has left me, you know? And it's like, a few minutes prior to that I was pretty much dead inside and apathetic to just about everything that was happening, both in game and out. And for this to flip that around and fill me with so many good, even powerful, emotions that I seem to have been lacking for too long and thought I would never experience is just so…I can't even describe just how fantastic the feeling is honestly. I may have cried a bit….okay a lot.
So I just thought I'd say thank you to the team at Nintendo who worked on making this game an absolute masterpiece. I've been playing The Legend of Zelda series since I was a small child, and it, along with many other Nintendo franchises, has always provided comfort and an escape from the unbearable reality I've been dealing with for a long time. On more than one occasion I've considered, even attempted at, ending my life, but just about every time I plunged myself into your world did that consideration slip out the window. This moment that has shaken me to my very core in the best way possible has made me realize that these moments of numbness, apathy, and emotional voidness never last. It might be considered strange to most but at that moment I felt strangely…alive. I felt like, even if for a short moment, I was part of this world, like I was included, wanted even.
After watching the dragon slither out of view over the mountain side, I was filled with a sense of excitement. I was determined to beat every aspect in the game, to explore every corner, to find every shrine, to experience Hyrule even in its aftermath of the Calamity. I would even go as far as to say that I was happy to be alive at that moment. So….thank you, again. Thank you so much.
tldr; I was dead inside for a good few weeks then was moved to tears by the sheer grace and beauty of a dragon and wanted to say thanks for reinstalling feelings in me after goodemotions.exe crashed in like….2003.