It's 6:30 and my alarm has just arrived through my front door. My eyes barely are able to flutter open as I am suddenly lifted from my bed, dragged to my kitchen and kneed in my face plate. I hear the tell tale scream of my alarm "GIVE ME SOME MORE PITA!". I rise from the ground and dodge the incoming ax which smashes through one of my cupboards. Shit. I'm out of pita bread. I could have sworn I stocked up. The raider in his morning frenzy contiues to swing at me but with a bit of luck and skill I manage to dodge back out of the kitchen and towards my pick up. He goes in for a running hug but I side step him and kick him into the passenger seat. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Left. I use my speed to lock him up in the seat belts. I casually strut to the driver seat and start up my vehicle.
He has been screaming for the last 10 minutes but I try to tune him out with a gregorian chanting tape that is worn pretty badly. I drive through the nearest dunkin donuts to pick up some hot chocolate to start the day. I roll down the window to place my order. It was difficult to tell if they could hear me with all the "SKOL! TO VALHALLA! VIKING IS THE ONLY SERIES FOR MEMES!" that was being screamed through the car, Not to mention the thick accent the operator had. "Alright, just two large hot chocolates!" "RAH!" "What? Did… did you get my… TWO HOT CHOCOLATES!" "RAH RAH!" I sigh and pull up to the window to find the conqueror waiting for me. "RAH!" "VAHAL!" "RAH RAH!" "SKOL!" Losing my mind I climb up onto my seat and dive for the drinks. The conqueror shields up in defense giving me a chance to climb back in and drive away.
A few moments of giving the raider a whiff of his drink wakes him up. I unbuckle his arm belts and he takes a slow sip of his chocolate.
"So. I was out of pita?"
"Yeah. It's fine. You broke my last alarm clock so I kind of rely on our mornings anyways."
"Yeah. Well, I'm sorry?"
"It's fine. Though that does make 5 sorries, do I get a free cocoa?"
We both laugh though soon all that fills the air is the chanting. I cut off the volume so we can wade in the silence. There is something that needs to be said and I will wait for it.
"So. Where are we going?"
"Grocery store, one of your boys must have raided my cupboard in the night."
"Ah. The life of a warborn I guess!" He chuckles. but soon stops and looks over to me. "You keep the peace, right?"
"Uh. Yeah. I try to anyways. Is something on your mind?"
"It's my son. Warlord. I got a call from professor Shu that he got in another fight."
"Another? Right on! Just like his old man. Who was the punk? I bet he broke some weeb's nose."
"Well you're half right. It was a weeb…. and a knight." The silence washed over us again. He tensed up, must have saw me grip the wheel tighter.
"Convince the knight to double down on the weeb." I bring myself to say, cutting the silence.
He sighed a sigh of relief. "Yeah, that's what I would do too."
We finally make it to the grocery store where I park as far back from the door as possible. We trek our way to the store though I stay behind the raider just in case someone shows up. We enter with out any problem and make our way to the bread isle where there is a valkyrie staring at all the various breads. She seemed to be eyeing her arm length next to the bread. Fuck. She's about to take the entire stock of pita! I run up to her and guard break. She counters my break and hell breaks loose. She screams "30 pieces a day keeps the gains today!" as she lunges at me. In shock a nearly take the spear through the chest but raider grabs her and tosses her through a the isles. I let this continue as I throw a few pita bags into the cart. The raider is now foaming at the mouth and swinging his ax wildly. I shove Valk out of the way as he was about to get the killing blow and parry the ax. Valk scampers off to find a boost so I shake the pita bread in front of the raider's face. He bites into it and I tug him along to the register as he chews.
At the register is Beserker. He is trying to keep a job in between raids, that's good for him. Every time I slide a bag over he does a little spin and scans it from the side. I look up to Raider but he just shrugs and tells me it's something his mother left him. When he asks for the money I instead tell him a secret. I whisper into his ear. "I heard you could only do 20 flips before becoming tired." Shocked he took a step back. He screamed "FOR VALHALLA!" and began flipping in place. I nudge raider's ribs and we take off for the car as he is distracted.
The car isn't starting. Why must this be my life right now? I check the near by sundial and see I don't have time to run to work even with the boost near by. Who would happen to drive by but Kensei! Kensei noticing my irritation steps out of his car and saunters over. He listens to me vent about how little time I have, my head ache, that thing that raider did 4 years ago that pissed me off, and how my car wouldn't start. He didn't offer any stories of his own he just listened and nodded. He said "Say no more. Raider, apologize. Mercy, Pop the hood." Then he handed me a aspirin and started working on my car.
"I'm not apologizing."
I bit into the aspirin "Yeah, it's fine. Just. Alot."
"I heard you deliver packages now. That's nice."
"I miss my old job, think the boss is still mad about that thing?"
Kensei stuck his masked head up. "Not mad. Just can't let you back after all the staff lost a kidney each over night."
"YOU ONLY NEED ONE AND I NEEDED THE MONEY!"
Kensei waved his hand over the argument and went back to work.
"See he's not mad, and the delivery is good money."
"Yeah. I just miss the fights is all."
Kensei said to start the engine and like a miracle it worked. I tried to offer him money but he wouldn't accept it, he just told me to have a good day as payment. That kensei guy, he's a good guy. He even took raider into his car to drive him to work so I could get to my own on time.
"YOU ARE LATE BY FIVE MINUTES, MERCY!" I hear Warden belt out from his office. I try to explain the issue but he won't have any of it and just keeps hammering the verbal attacks over my head. I just try to go to my happy place. Through the screams I notice his son has a black eye. Nice, Warlord might not be so bad after all.
After a long while of contentious yelling he finally gets to the point. I needed to get my truck on the road and get my deliveries out there. "Remember the last time?" I ask, his face blank. "How I was assaulted by two citizens over their packages?" Warden sighed and waved over Lawbringer. Lawbringer was always the tall silent type so he just followed me to the truck where he sat passenger. I put on the company bunny ears much to my distaste. I start the vehicle.
I put on my seat belt. These are the first words I've heard from him. I try to pull away.
I give an audible sigh as I check the mirrors to make sure they're in order. Finally I take off. Half way through the street I get bored of the silence and turn on my other tape gregorian chants.
He turned them off "Distraction."
I flip him off.
"Hands on 10 and 2."
I look over to him to see if this is a joke.
A hand grips to top of my head and turns it back forward. "Eyes on the road."
I pull to the break down lane and proceed to have a break down. I scream, I slam my head against the wheel a few times, and I cuss out every member of Lawbringer's family.
"We must continue to our first destination."
Through the tears I start driving again. He wipes my eyes for me with his holy cloth and I sigh.
First stop, Nobushi. I step out of the car and stretch a bit and grab the package of protein buffs. Before I have a chance to step onto the driveway a naginata shoots out from the crack in the front door and stabs through the package. I am still unsure of how she managed to launch it that far as I was 30 feet from the door. The naginata just as quickly returns to the house. Well I guess you can't say that was slow.
Or you can.
Next stop, Orochi. This should be easy enough. I step out with a package I am almost sure contains 60 pounds of lubricant and manga. Orochi is standing at the door tapping the watch on his wrist. I bring the package over and ask him to sign for it. I fumble the package and it lands on his foot. Orochi was gone by the time I had a chance to look back up. Smoke filled the air as I wonder where he and his package had gone. I cough my way back to the truck and move on.
"Customer didn't sign."
With rage I stared back at Lawbringer before turning to my side and forging his signature. "Nope, see right here?" I toss the clip board at his face then take off for the last delivery.
Professor Shu. Both me and Lawbringer had to help this one off the back of the truck. 20 barrels of rice mixed with protein. I looked over at Shugoki who just sat at the door shaking his head as we rolled over the barrels. Once the last one was delivered he stood up and ran towards me in what appeared to be joy. "WAGASHI" is all I hear before being lifted up and having my back crushed. I assume now this is the Japanese term for "Hug". Fun fact, Shugoki used to by a masseuse before finding his calling teaching. My spine made a sickening crack as I found myself in pure pleasure. All the exhaustion of my day freed from my muscles off to the heavens above. He could have been gentler on putting me down instead of throwing me over his shoulder. My muscles numb to the world I see Lawbringer grab the most versatile weapon known to man, a swiss army halberd. He runs up to charge Shu but bounces off. Shu grabs a near by tree out of the ground and slapped him with it followed by a head butt. Lawbringer crumpled onto the ground. I jolted up and ran over to him to see if he was okay. Breathing, just knocked out. I give Shu a hug and thanked him for finally releasing me of all my stress. He laughed and told me he'd keep Law there until he woke up. He threw Law on top of all the barrels and carried them all into his house.
The truck moves much faster now with out all of the barrels weighing me down. I still have a few odds and ends to deliver but with out Law I can just relax to the chanting and get it over at my own pace. At a stop sign it happens. The warborn have shown up for the truck. They slowly begin to charge from the north. From the east I see the samurai sneaking out of the bushes, I check the back and I forgot a pillow for Nobushi. Then to the west I see the knights coming to protect the holy truck from being taken. They all gather out side of the truck screaming at each other and slashing at the sides to prove their worth. I pull out my cell phone and make a quick call.
"Yeah. Yeah. That's the one. I'm on the corner of Myre, Ashfeld, and Valkenheim."
The samurai pry into the truck, the vikings claw their way through the engine, the knights spray paint holy symbols on the side and I light a cigarette and look up to the heavens where I see the firey ball melt into the sunset. The one I requested be catapulted to my location.
"See you in respawn."
It's 6:30 and my alarm has just arrived through my front door.